So the roller coaster that has been climbing the hill for three weeks, going chk-chk-chk, is about to go over the top. I'm on a plane tomorrow, and it still doesn't seem real. Though I've been studying and practicing so much that I'm pretty much just ready to get things over with.
There's still a number of likely questions that I'm just dreading being asked. The potential for humiliation just seems massive, and their generosity just seems to make it worse (I don't think they'd ever actually say, "We flew you all the way up here and you don't even know what a websocket is?" but that's what a missed question will feel like.) (Note to self: look up websockets.)
As terrifying as the interview is looking, getting an offer would be almost as terrifying. You know how dolphins can "walk" on top of the water by kicking their tail back and forth really hard? I was thinking recently that that's what my career feels like a lot of the time. I've developed a strong tail from it over the years but a few months back I was thinking how nice it would be to just swim about in the water for a bit. If I get in at Big Company, I'll not only continue the water-walking thing, but I'll have a ball balanced on my nose to boot.
I just had prep phone interview number 3, which contained detailed feedback about the tech phone interview I did last week, and a more detailed breakdown of what I'll be asked about. It did nothing to relieve my stress levels; in fact, after things seeming so surreal all week (especially, going into the office as if everything's normal), this brought reality crashing home. I'll be having five one-hour sessions, each involving at least two of the leadership questions I'm dreading (E.g. "Tell me about a time you took a risk and it failed"). One of the sessions will be entirely that. My "down time" will be a one-hour lunch interview with the managing director of their development centre (boss of 110 people).
I really think they're considering me for too high of a position, as I've barely done much in the way of leading, and I'll be considered for what they call an SD3 (software developer level 3), which they need just a few of, instead of an SD2, which they need a lot of. The day before the interview I'll be getting prep call number four (!) that will at least inform me in fairly specific detail what leadership questions each group will be asking me. But there won't be a lot I can fix at that point, or even now.
Marjorie has been great about trying to buck up my spirits. But I'm pretty sure my concerns are reality-based as opposed to just beating myself up out of a lack of confidence. (This is not to be construed as further beating up of myself, either, please.)
Still, I wrote up something that's a little long to be called a mantra, but which I'll try to keep in mind during the process: “Above all, don’t be intimidated. Especially, no nervous jokes about the pressure of the interview situation, the scale of the company, the surroundings, or the prospective role, or my lack of experience with this or that. Act like this is all natural and fine and expected. Be serious and calm, even if you flub a question, or even if you ace a question. Don't be overly relieved at the end. Don’t speak at all if your voice is breaking out of nervousness (this is a major concern of mine), or if you don't know how you're going to finish a sentence. Don't talk just to fill up space. And remember everyone’s goddamn name for once.”
So at least it'll be all over Tuesday evening, yeah? No. To further complicate things, I had an interview last night with a company in Cambridge, who now wants to see me while I'm up there. They're more of a startup with much shallower pockets - but it could be an alright thing. I'll have next to no spare time while I'm up there, and from what I can tell, you can't really get to Cambridge from Edinburgh. I'm also not keen to take advantage of Big Company's hospitality. (I laid this all out for them, and they just now emailed me back, offering to fly me Edinburgh to Stansted (the London airport everyone forgets is there), then up to their office, during one of the two days I was planning on checking out Edinburgh with Marjorie. Sure. Fine. What else can I say?)
Increasingly, sleep has been just an occasional visitor, who leaves abruptly in the wee hours as if he has an early train to catch. I suspect to see him only here and there in the coming week.
It's all a helluva thing. I don't have any category to put the whole experience into.
